Stop the Cycle of Violence

I've been seeing a lot of anti-bullying posts on Facebook lately. Normally what I would do is edit for spelling, and then post it on my own status, but it doesn't seem like that's enough. Sure, it's easy to copy and paste - we all do it. But, does the message really sink in?

The following is the post I'm talking about:

"The girl you just called fat? She is overdosing on diet pills. The girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on, hoping people will like her. The boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. See that man with the ugly scars? He fought for our country. That guy you just made fun of for crying? His mother is dying. Put this on your status for an hour, if you are against bullying. You never know what it's like until you walk a mile in their shoes."

It would be impossible to describe all of the people who are bullied all across the world. The stereotypical ones are listed above, but they are not the only ones. The fact is, it's easy to bully the fat kid, the ugly kid, the emotional kid, the quiet kid who always keeps to him/herself. Kids like that present easy targets for bullies, but they aren't the only ones who have to deal with physical, verbal, and emotional abuse.

No one feels sorry for the cheerleader who get knocked down a peg or two by a mob of "outcasts". No one feels sorry for the football champion who pushes just a little too hard, and finally gets his "comeuppance". People don't think that the "pretty people" have to deal with the same problems ... those people are wrong.

Bullying happens everywhere, and it can happen to anyone.

Would it surprise you to know that it's more common for a girl to be a bully, than it is for a boy? I'm sure it would, and there's a simple reason for that: girls often bully those closest to them, girls who they would outwardly consider friends. Girls are sneaky, manipulate, and monumentally more cruel than boys. When a boy bullies, it's usually with straight up, physical violence.

The following is from the March 30, 2010 news report following the death of Phoebe Prince, a victim of bullying:

"Nine teenagers have been charged over the death of a 15-year-old Irish migrant who killed herself after months of merciless and sometimes violent bullying by fellow students at a Massachusetts school.

Phoebe Prince took her life in January in desperation at harassment led by female students who resented her dating an older American football player.

Six of the teenagers, four females and two males, face charges ranging from criminal harassment, stalking and breach of civil rights over the bullying which included text messages and abuse on Facebook.

The male students are also charged with statutory rape, apparently over relationships they had with Prince. Three younger girls, aged under 16, face delinquency charges. One has also been charged with assault with a dangerous weapon, listed as a bottle or can. Prince hanged herself at home at the end of a day at South Hadley high school in which she was bullied repeatedly by three students, including one she had a brief relationship with.

District attorney Elizabeth Scheibel said that on the day Prince killed herself she was verbally abused as she studied in the school library and pursued in the corridors. The teenagers then followed her as she walked home.

"From information known to investigators thus far, it appears that Phoebe's death on January 14th followed a tortuous day for her, in which she was subjected to verbal harassment and threatened physical abuse," said Scheibel. "Their [the students'] conduct far exceeded the limits of normal teenage relationship-related quarrels."

The district attorney said at least one school official observed the bullying but failed to report it.
Three of the students have since been expelled from the school.

The Massachusetts legislature has passed tough new anti-bullying laws in response to Prince's death and that of 11-year-old Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, who also took his own life. The legislation would oblige schools to take action when they are informed about bullying.

Prince's death is one of several in recent months that have been attributed to bullying. The police in New York are investigating whether cyberbullying played a role in the decision of 17-year-old Alexis Pilkington to take her own life a fortnight ago. The attacks on her continued after her death on an internet page set up in tribute to Pilkington.

In Missouri, 13-year-old Megan Meier took her own life in 2006 after taunts from a fellow student's mother." 

How many Phoebe Prince's are out there? Bullying is such a small word to describe a catastrophic epidemic that sweeps the entire world. How many young men and women are harassed by their peers for having something that they don't? How many young men and women are ostracized from their peers, verbally and physically abused on a daily basis? How much of this do we even see?

It's easy to punish the popular kid who picks on the smaller, "dorky-looking" kid, but how many people ask the bully "why did you do that?", AND sincerely want to know? The fact is, almost every bully that exists was bullied by someone else. Whether it be a parent, sibling, friend, or other peer.

Bullies are not always the tough-looking jock who everybody either respects or fears. Bullies are not always the pretty Homecoming Queen who always gets her way. These are the stereotypes that have been seared into our minds by teen soaps and bad movies. Bullies are everywhere, and almost every "bully" is a victim of some form of abuse, as well.

I'm not going to make a status post about how bad people should feel for bullying others. I'm not going to make a status post about how only misunderstood outcasts get bullied, and everyone else is just evil. I'm not going to go on a crusade to rescue the "little guy", and put the "bad guy" on display for the world to see. Instead, I'm going to say this: We live in a world where picking on other kids, and making them feel worse than we do is far too common of an occurrence. It needs to stop. All of it. Parents need to stop abusing their children, kids need to stop hurting their peers, and victims need to stop hurting themselves. Stop the cycle of violence - bully and bullied alike.