Aquired Taste?

I don't get why people try to convince you to give something another try, by telling you "it's an acquired taste". If I don't like something the first time, and it's not crucial to my existence, I'm not gonna try it again. It went in, I didn't like it ... I'm moving on.


When I was twelve or so, I had my first taste of champagne. Blech ... it was nasty. And this woman looks at me, nose angled upwards with a pompous sneer on her face, and says, "it's an acquired taste". Well, I'm happy you acquired the taste for that, now point me to the non-alcoholic, carbonated beverages, if you don't mind.

I don't understand why people need alcohol to have a good time. I'm sure I'll never understand it, and I'm fine with that. You wanna party? Have at it. But if you can't have a good time when you're sober, then you're not really having a good time. It's all an act. People say that alcohol frees you from your inhibitions ... okay, sure. If you're willing to believe that you need some "liquid courage" in you to make you less uptight, then have at it. I'm sure your liver will understand that you just wanted to have a good time!

I think the thing that I love most about the whole "acquired taste" conundrum, is that once you've acquired the taste, you seem to think that you absolutely need it to ever have fun again. I mean, who likes just sitting on the front porch with a glass of water? Screw that, let's get some alcohol going so we can blame our bad choices on our "lack of inhibitions"! Game of pool? Pff, who wants to do that when they're sober? Driving down the road a little too boring for you? Hey, no problem! Let's make it more fun by giving you double vision! And hey, who doesn't love waking up with that throbbing, pulsating racket going on in your head, making you wonder why you started drinking in the first place? It goes away eventually! I mean, hey ... who needs to spend time on studying history or learning calculous, when they can be inventing new and improved hangover remedies!

And in this wonderful world that we live in, we're never too far away from this mystical drink ... aside from the liquor store on just about every corner, they've even got them at your local college! Right between the Academic Advising office, and the Library! 'Cause you know how awesome your memory is after you've tossed back a few ... oughta do wonders for you education.

You know what else I love about alcohol? The peer encouragement. I mean, who wants to be called a "light-weight", anyways? We don't want our "friends" to think we can't handle our beer, so we'd better build up a nice tolerance! Alcohol poisoning? Pff! What's an evening of getting your stomach pumped, compared to who can do the most shots without falling off their stool?! And hey, you don't like your beer straight from the bottle? Well, why don't we use this nifty little thing called a funnel? I mean, it's got the word"fun" in it, so it must be alright, right?
Acquired taste? I think I'll pass.