Once a year, the same day of the same month, I take time to remember my best friend. Once a year, I shut out the rest of the world, and spend the day missing him, loving him, remembering him. Once a year, I let myself mourn his passing, in anger and sadness. Once a year, I can’t stand to look at anyone else … because it kills me that they are still happy. That they can still go on with their lives, as though nothing happened.
I lock myself away, because I know what would happen if I didn’t. I would let loose all of the hate, and anger, and frustration, and fury inside of me, and I would hurt the people that I love.
Once a year, I pull out my old diary, and I read that diary entry from so long ago. I read the words so full of sadness and disbelief, and know that the same feeling still emanates from within me. Once a year, I let myself wish that I could go back to that day and stop it from happening. Once a year, I let myself believe that I actually could have done something to stop it. At the very least, I could have said a real goodbye.
I’ve been told that I need to let go, that it’s been long enough. I’ve been told that I have to let him go, stop mourning, and live my life. 365 days out of the year, I do live my life. I pretend that everything is okay, and that it’s all behind me. But not this day. This day, I’m allowed to grieve. This day, I’m all allowed to miss him. Once a year, I have the right to cry, and scream, and yell, and hate the world for taking away my best friend.
I do not smile on August 22nd. I do not laugh, I do not have fun … I don’t have to pretend that there isn’t a hole in my heart where he used to be. In two days, I’ll spend the day remembering my best friend, and then I’ll put it all back inside for another year.
Once a year, George, I wish I could be where you are. I miss you and I love you.
I now know how you feel, I lost bruiser this year, and I'll never be able to get over it, I know that June 4th is going to be a very difficult day, it seems that some people just don't understand how much a pet really means to somebody, and how much it hurts to lose them, I can't even look at any dog that looks like him, because I just wanna start crying. I'm telling you know that you have all the right in the world to want to be away from people the day you lost someone you love, nobody can tell you how to feel about what happened. "hugs"
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