The Theatre Experience

Part 1: I Will Speak My Mind.
Part 2: Why Toddlers and Theatres Don’t Mesh:

In the midst of letting go of my hate, and by extension, some of my anger, I thought I would make a few things clear.

“Letting go of my hate” does not mean I’ve suddenly turned into a soft-spoken, curled-up, terrified, little worm. When I have something to say, I’m gonna damn well say it.

1: When I call ahead to inform you of the time I will be arriving, I expect you to be prepared. When I am informed that you will be “ready to go” when I arrive, I expect that to be the case. When I arrive to see you barefoot and playing video games, do not expect me to be right as rain. When I remind you of the time, and the aforementioned arrangements, I expect not to get told to “chill”. When I adjust my mode of transportation so that I don’t miss my pre-arranged meeting, I expect you not to act like a spoiled, immature brat. When you tell me to get out of your house, don’t expect me back anytime soon.

2: When I - along with a dozen other people - are walking up the stairs behind you, stopping in the middle of the steps to choose your seat, turn around, and push your way past is not acceptable. Be considerate, or you might find yourself tripping down a few of those stairs.

3: When a movie is advertised to begin at 7:40, twenty minutes of previews is a bit much. If the movie’s going to start at 8:00, advertise the correct time. I will complain, and I will not do it quietly.

4: When you are in a crowded theatre (children’s movie or otherwise), be respectful of the people around you. You are not the only ones there. When you bring your toddler into a movie theatre - insert separate rant here:

- 4.1: A theatre is dark, loud, packed with strangers. The screen fills up the entire front area, alternating between impossibly dark, and blindingly bright. People you don’t know are cramped in beside you, laughing at different intervals, lengths, and pitches. How exactly is this a comforting environment for a child? Women who bring their infants to adult movies ‘cause they couldn’t or wouldn’t find a sitter - you annoy me. Parents who bring their children to a theatre, and then let them roam free through the aisles, running and thumping and crashing and shouting and giggling and racing and crashing - you annoy me. Parents who expect children to sit quietly through a movie, and then do nothing when they chat and whine and cry - you annoy me.

FYI, obnoxious Spanish lady who sat behind me chatting with your husband, your son, and some friends/family who were at least two rows behind you, “Beauty and the Beast” is a children’s movie from MY generation. There were more adults than children at that movie, because they could actually appreciate it. It’s a classic. You wanna take your kid to a movie? Take him to a matinee, where the theatre is less crowded, the lights aren’t as dim, and he isn't babbling to keep himself awake. Or better yet, buy the damn movie and watch it at home, so you don’t ruin it for the rest of us. I WILL tell you to shut up when I can hear your rude babbling over “Tale As Old As Time”.

4 continued: Ahem, getting back on track: When you bring your toddler into a movie theatre, be prepared to quiet him when he talks loudly AND repetitively. Do not just say “yeah”, and continue to watch the movie. Clearly, you were there for you, not for him. When people around you are going “sshhh!” that’s your cue to stop talking, not talk louder. When you bring your child into a crowded theatre, and he doesn’t stop talking, be prepared to take him out. We did not pay $50.00 to listen to you converse back and forth in another language.

When I go to a movie, I go to watch the movie. If someone is talking, I tell them to be quiet. If they bicker and bitch at me, I’ll give it right back. Guess what? Not only am I louder, I’m also not afraid to go get an usher to boot your ass out of the theatre. Nor am I afraid to stick my hand in your face to cut you off, or tell you how shitty a parent you’re being by submitting your child to such an ordeal.

Do I hate these people for nearly ruining a wonderful, magical, expensive evening for me? No. Hate is too strong - it takes up too much space. Would I mind if they’d been pushed … ahem, fallen down the stairs? Not particularly. Would they be more attractive with my popcorn dumped in their hair? Probably. Am I going to let them ruin “Beauty and the Beast” for me? No. Why? Because they’re not worth it. A punch in the face, sure … but not worth ruining the best, the first, the one that started it all.

Beauty and the Beast, you were spectacular. And yes, I kept my 3D glasses, ‘cause let’s face it … they look pretty awesome.

Beauty and the Beast 2012

Beauty and the Beast - or, how things are finally starting to turn around.

As mature as I am, I will always be young at heart. I will always giggle like a little girl when something is really funny, Goofy will always be my favorite Disney character, "The Fox and the Hound" will always make me smile, and I will always remember my very first movie.

Things have been touch-and-go for a while … just about five months, now. We’ve been stressed, shocked, annoyed, frustrated, hurt, disgusted, angry, spiteful, and just about defeated. Time was, my mother didn’t know the meaning of the word “quit”, but she’s finally thrown in the towel with Josh. He’s hurt us enough, it’s time to move on.

And so, we have. I’ve been working at the same wonderful job for the past 4.5 months, mum has been running her own day home - successfully - for about 2 months now. We’ve been delivering papers in the evenings, and now have our own early morning Red Deer Advocate route. (Getting up at 4 o’clock in the morning? Not so hard. Not going back to sleep as soon as we get home because I work in 3 hours? A tad hard.) But, for an extra 1000 bucks a month, it’s well worth it. No more scraping together money to get by each month. No more working 28 hours a week to see maybe 50 bucks of my paycheck. No more having to deal with the incredible bullshit that is Children’s Services. We’re moving on.

We were watching Bones last night, and a commercial came on for Beauty and the Beast - in theaters. I despise 3D, but for Beauty and the Beast? … Yeah, I’ll tolerate it. It’s coming to theatres tomorrow. I’m off work at 5 … I’m going to see the 7:40 showing.

Why do I get to see this? Today is payday. I don’t have to wait two months to get paid from Children’s services for Child Care. I don’t have to count on them for anything anymore. I have an awesome job that pays well, and I finally get to start spending my money on me. (After paying utilities and buying groceries, of course ;)

Beauty and the Beast was my very first movie. My mum bought it for me, and I watched it so many times that to preserve her sanity, she bought me and new one. And so on, and so on. Today, my room is flooded with bookshelves full of movies. Movies are my passion. I love action, drama, romance, thriller, animated, war, historical … the list goes on. I could happily spend a week just sitting in my room, watching hours upon hours of movies. “My Name is Khan” is my favorite movie, “Rent” is my favorite musical, “The Fox and the Hound” is my favorite kids movie … but “Beauty and the Beast” will always be the best, the first, the one that started it all.

And it’s coming to theaters. You bet your ass, I’m gonna be there.

Letting Go Of My Hate

This is not something that has ever been easy for me to do. Sure, I’m a pushover when it comes to apologies - I could hate someone to the point where I’m meticulously planning their murder, but if they so much as murmur out a quiet sorry, I’m goo in their hands. This doesn’t mean that I forget. Forgive, yes … temporarily. At least until the next time they do something to piss me off, and then I just add their latest indiscretion to the tally.

I have an amazing memory. I can recall conversations that took place in high school like they just happened a minute ago. I can quote lines from movies I’ve seen once a decade ago, and recite entire pages from my favorite books. There are very few things that I forget. Hate is not one of them.
I have always been an angry child. Angry at classmates, angry at teachers, angry at opponents, friends, family members, etc. It doesn’t take much to get on my bad side.

But, I’m trying to change all that. This is where people usually say “life is too short to fill it with hate” … I’m a big believer that life is not short. There is nothing you can do that is longer than life. Life is long … sometimes agonizingly so. I don’t want to spend every minute of every day hating people for stupid things.

So, I’m letting go. No more grudges. No more petty arguments or catty comments. No more rejoicing over ex-friends gaining weight while I’m losing it. No more nitpicking, no more looking for the tiniest little flaw to sink my claws into. I’m done.

I had this epiphany while looking at an ex-friend’s pictures online. I was cruising through news feeds, and one thing led to another. I happened upon a rather “questionable” picture, and seconds after reading the caption, snickered out a scathing remark. Ten o’clock at night, in my room alone, I was mocking this picture as though the subject within it could hear me. I don’t want to spend my life like that … would you?

So, I’m done. I’m letting go of my hate. And now, to cleanse:

Heather: I've edited this from the original draft, as I realized I hadn't really let go then. I've spent a lot of time going over our friendship, and where things went wrong. I've said for a long time that it was because you didn't believe in me, but that's just an excuse. The problem is, we're just too much alike. Both stubborn, both passionate, both relentless in our beliefs. You decided what you wanted to believe about me, and I was too stubborn to do anything other than hate you for it. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter who said what. I can look back on what we used to have, and still smile at the memories ... I guess that's all that matters.

James: I’m done hating you. Really, I haven’t actively hated you for about three years, but I figured I should give you an “honorable mention”. I’ve outgrown my juvenile attachment to you, and am better for it. I’ve overcome the feelings that I once had for you, but I’m not sorry about them. You showed me exactly the kind of guy I don’t want in my life. I’m done hating you for leading me on, I’m done hating you for toying with my emotions. I hope that one day, you can do more with you life than play being straight, and work Connections at Walmart.

Walmart (AKA, Store Manager Lee): I’m done hating you for forcing me to quit because I was sick. I’m done hating you for wasting twenty months of my life on you. I’m done resenting you for letting the “regular” sized clothing overrun the Women’s Plus (k, maybe a little resentment left over - they’re tiny, they don’t need THAT MUCH space!). Ahem, I digress. In short, I’m putting your part in my life behind me. I’ve finally found a job that I LOVE, and I know now that you never really stood a chance with me … no one can be expected to give their all to a job that they despise. Fortunately, I don’t have to fake a smile in my workplace anymore.

Dad: … I want to say I’m done hating you. Most of me is, but part of me will always hate you for forgetting my name, for forgetting how old I am, and for treating my family like shit. Part of me will always hate you, for all the years that I spent loving you, not knowing the real you. I’m going to work hard at not hating you. I don’t want to be miserable … I don’t want to spend my life despising you for being you. You’re never going to change, so I have to. I’m done.

Josh: You proved the saying, “there’s a fine line between love and hate”. You are my brother, and I will always love you … and I’m trying not to hate you for what you’ve done to my mother. You will never be “whole” … your biological mother ruined that chance for you. I hope that one day, you’ll be able to look back on everything that you’ve done, and feel some modicum of remorse for it. I hope that you’ll let go of all your hate and anger for what your biological mother did to you, and realize that there are better ways of channeling your anger. Most of all, I hope that you stay far, far away from us … it’s easier not to hate you if I don’t have to see you.

The list could go on and on … I’m done hating Tauni for picking on me in elementary school; I’m done hating Mark for … well, everything that little shit did; I’m done hating Jackie our first landlord for screwing us out of our house in Innisfail; I’m done hating Byron for screwing my Mum over, I’m done hating Gaetes for not accepting his responsibilities as a landlord. Etc, etc, etc.

So much hate. Too much. No one should live like that. I’m done. I’m done bottling it all up, waiting for it to explode. I feel better.

You should try it, too.

My Anti-Resolutions

2011 was, quite frankly, a shitty year. It sucked ass. And the sad part is, three out of the four quarters of the year were good. One might even say great.

We sent our Foster kids to live with their “Forever Mommy and Daddy”, welcomed two new girls into the family, and went camping in our home town (oh, how I miss Brooks) for the first time in three years. I had a wonderful third practicum, started volunteering at the women’s shelter, and then got hired at my local library - can you say dream job?

I watched and was disappointed in the last Harry Potter film, discovered True Blood, and through Charlaine Harris’s wonderful Sookie Stackhouse books, rediscovered my love of Vampire love stories. (Sorry, Twilight, but I'm not a teeny-bopper anymore, I just can't take you seriously). I hit the 300 mark for my published fan-fictions, and won 1^st Place for one of them through Energize W.I.P. Awards. I discovered the Hunger Games trilogy, and loved it all the way up until the end (die Peeta, die!!!).

All of these little things made 2011 good, but one action from Joshua, my adopted little shit of a brother, made the year a complete and utter catastrophe.

I’m not going to go off on a long rant about how he fucked us over (yes, there is harsh language in this post, sorry if it offends). I’m not going to rant and rage over the ridiculousness of the Foster Care system, or the inconsiderate, two-faced, vindictive assholes at Children’s Services. Nope, not this time ;)

It’s a new year, and I am going to do my best to move on. That being said, here are my anti-resolutions.

Why, you may ask, am I making anti-resolutions, as opposed to resolutions, which are the norm with the New Year tradition? The simple answer is that resolutions are just a flashy way of listing all the things you aren’t going to do. How many people honestly stick to their New Year’s Resolutions year-round? Not many. It’s kind of like dieting - it only works while you do it, but once you stop, you’re back to square one.

So, these are my 2012 anti-resolutions:

1) I will not let Josh’s cruel, sadistic actions stop me and my mother from enjoying life.

2) I will not use Facebook as free therapy, or a place to flaunt my drama for the world to see (I don’t normally do this anyway, but I thought I’d put this out there for certain people to consider - you know who you are, quit lying to yourself).

3) I will not let my dog go another three months without a bath (If you have a hairy dog, you know it’s not pleasant).

4) I will not let games like Solitaire and Mahjong distract me from finishing my novels (may have to implement aversion therapy to get this one to stick).

5) I will not let it bother me when my father calls me three days after my birthday and forgets how old I am. (Well, it might bother me, but I won’t let it ruin my night again.)

6) I will not go another year without paying off my late fees at the Red Deer Downtown Library (finally sent back my movies that were about 4 years overdue).

7) I will not pass up a work-free day to take my dog for a walk.

8) I will not spend half of my paycheck on movies (especially now that I can request most of them through the library).

9) I will not let my room get as messy as it currently is. (Spring cleaning a little early this year, I think.)

10) Finally, I will not snicker madly when I see ex-friends stuck in dead-end jobs that will slowly drive them insane (this will quite possibly be the hardest of my anti-resolutions … I’m a little vindictive myself.)

Will I stick to them? Hopefully. The point is? These aren’t just things that I’m going to try and stick to for one year, and then pat myself on the back when I’ve achieved them. These are changes that I want to make in my life for good, not just for now.

How about you?